my life as a nomad

Super Bowl XL

i've decided to become a hardcore seahawks fan for the night. why? well, for a few reasons...

• i've been to seattle; haven't been to pittsburgh
• seattle is the underdog, and it's always fun rooting for the underdog
  
• mike holmgren, the seahawk's coach, is a member of the same denomination church that i attend

not terribly good reasons for sure, but i needed a rooting interest to make the game passably interesting. so there you go. i decided to keep a running diary while watching the game, so here's my rambling and incoherent thoughts as i watch the game...


4:29 i start watching the pre-game coverage... and aside from a special-interest piece about mike holmgren's wife and daughter going on a missions trip to congo, it's pretty lame. they had some footage of a football game being played among special-needs kids getting pushed around in their wheelchairs by their dads, and all i could think was "gee, what do they call the players they bring out for the kickoffs... the very special teams? the special squared teams?" yes, i'm a horrible person who reads the onion too much

5:06 i've got my lucky shorts, lucky t-shirt, lucky socks, and lucky gold doubloon all ready to lend their aid in the game. i would have larry the lucky lobster, except that i accidentally left him at camp at the end of the summer. whoops. i think all of his power got used up in the previous two years anyways, because i brought him out for the patriot's game-winning kick versus the panthers two years ago, the red sox comeback vs. the yankees (didn't bring him out until the 9th inning of game 4... the rest, as they say, is history), and the patriots superbowl win last year. after a run like that, you can't expect anything more, really. but i'll use every other legitimate means i have of lending aid to the seahawks. i was thinking about getting some pizza for the game, but i'm too lazy to make it and too cheap to buy some. i'll content myself with cheeze-curls and moxie instead

5:11 i look around the room... and i'm the only person here. i'm pathetic. but wouldn't it be even more pathetic to invite yourself over to someone else's super bowl party that you weren't really invited to? i think so. plus this way, i get to enjoy the game in my favorite chair, with my 12-pack of moxie within easy reach. can't beat that

5:24 i'm not sure if you've heard this breaking news yet... but jerome bettis is from detroit. and, the super bowl is in detroit! wow. now there's a story. someone should do a piece about that

5:45 i thought the game started at 6... apparently not. kickoff is still a ways away, and they're killing time with musical acts. unacceptable. i head downstairs to make some spicy "burns both ways" burritos for supper and come back up with two of those and a giant bag of cheez doodles:
15 ounces of puffy, cheezy goodness. mmmmmm...

6:01 they start introducing former super bowl mvp's, and when larry brown comes out i realize for the first time how many pittsburgh fans are in detroit... all you can hear are boos! truly hilarious. how awkward would it be to be the only man in a long lineup of all-time greats to (a) not actually be very good, and (b) get booed? of course, when swann and harris and the other steelers come out the house starts rocking like it's Heinz

6:05 joe namath makes it all the way out to midfield without trying to kiss anyone. i wonder what the odds were in vegas of him trying to plant a kiss on a random female reporter?

6:10 "and now singing the national anthem...aretha franklin." something doesn't seem quite right with the shot; either (a), aretha lost 50 pounds and grew a goatee, or (b) the production team was a little out of sync. i'm guessing (a)

6:21 if i'm al michaels, and i have john madden sitting in the booth next to me, i'm going to want to make sure he stays well-fed during the game. not that i think john is a rather large man, or that i'm insinuating that he'd actually eat his broadcasting partner... but i'd just make sure the nachos and hotdogs stayed in good supply. that's all

6:23 tom brady is on the field during the super bowl, and all is again right with the world. how hilarious would it be if instead of a simple flip, he just chucked the ball downfield and made them run down there to see how it landed? he doesn't... but it could have been epic

6:27 kickoff.

6:32 the seahawks punt on their first posession after a couple of quick first downs, which brings about the first wave of announcements. the ads, of course, are as hyped-up as the game itself. the burger king ad is simultaneously disturbing and hilarious, which is what makes their ads so great. long live the king, the only man in the world with a more disproportionately large head than mine. the best superbowl commercial ever is the reebok "terry tate: office linebacker" one from a couple years back. an instant classic that has yet to be eclipsed

6:37 i was just reminded that lofa tatupa, the seahawks' rookie linebacker, played for umaine. if i needed any more incentive to root for seattle, i just got it

6:39 "guys, the magic fridge is back!"

6:45 dad joins me, and starts helping me tag-team the huge bag of cheeze doodles

6:51 so that was a prety underwhelming first quarter. i can't remember a single play... this is shaping up to be a prototypically boring superbowl. the ads have been farly run of the mill so far, too. i'm hoping for a stellar second quarter, on the field and off

6:57 first shady officiating call... that was the wussiest "push-off" i've ever seen. not that i think the NFL would try and get the media darling that is jerome bettis a superbowl or anything, but i wouldn't put it past them. speaking of bettis... his teammate larry foote is from detroit too! how come this isn't getting any publicity? two teammates, both from detroit... playing in the superbowl! in detroit!

7:00 two LOL rated commercials so far... the "magic fridge" from earlier, and the one with the guys on the roof of the house. both bud light promos; they're like the jerry bruckheimer of advertisements. other than those two, my thoughts on the rest are usually "they payed 2.5 million dollars to air this?"

7:15 jerome bettis comes into the game for the first time for two plays... and then has to go out. aside from the PBA, is there a professional sports league who has a more out-of-shape star 'athlete' than the steelers do with bettis? all you hear is how nice a guy bettis is, but gee whiz jerome... being a nice guy doesn't mean eating donuts every time someone offers them to you. trust me, if he didn't have that "nice guy" reputation, he'd be getting an incredible amount of flak from the media about how fat and out of shape he is, because... he's fat and out of shape. and he's from detroit

7:17 monkeys are always funny. remember this if you ever write a commercial, because it's pure gold. monkeys are funny. third LOL commercial of the night

7:21 rottenburger (i won't even try to spell his name right) gets picked off, and seattle... keeps it's lead? they're up 3-0? when did that happen... i guess it's just that sort of game

7:29 "they just had him behind some curtains, so they could take his pants off and tape his groin." an instant classic in the annals of sideline reporting

7:32 instead of gatorade, do they fill jerome bettis' water bottle with jelly donut filling? these are the type of things i wonder about

7:34 best offensive showing by the steelers yet; rottenburger makes a heckuva throw down to the 3 yard line. pittsburgh has looked inept at offense to this point, but they might be coming to life

7:39 FIVE BLADES! BEST.SHAVE.EVER! the shaving wars are elevated to a whole new level. next thing you know, you'll be buying a butler named james who personally shaves your entire face with a chainsaw in about 2 seconds

7:40 TD? or... yes. but not really. 7-3, steelers. rottenburger runs it almost in, but the officials decide that hey, that was a really nice try so we'll give it to you. in other news, jerome bettis is on the team for the sole purpose of picking up first downs and TD's in short-yardage situations... and he can't punch it in from the 3 yard line on two tries. what they needed to do was paint a huge jelly donut in the end zone... he'd be unstoppable

7:54 that was one of the worst-executed two minute drills ever. seattle ends up settling for a 50+ yard FG attempt, which is no good.

7:56 and it's halftime. it pains me to say, but the rolling stones could actually be more exciting to watch than the first half of the game

8:10 maybe it's just me... but i swear that the guy playing keyboard looks exactly like kiefer sutherland if he added a paunch and a beard. it's eerie. their drummer looks like he's eighty, but still lifts weights every day. that's even more eerie. and the rolling stones have been around longer than the super bowl. that's bizarre. but trucking in all of the young guys and gals to fill the "mosh pits" and watch people who could be their grandparents dance around on a stage takes the cake in the "downright creepy" category

8:11 chuck leavell, keyboardist for the stones...kiefer sutherland...i rest my case

8:16 dad, as the stones are playing their last song: "all those years, and he still can't get any satisfaction? must not really want any."

8:28 the second half is about to get started any minute now. in other news, israel is utilizing llamas to carry gear for their commando units. what does that have to do with football? absolutely nothing

8:32 willie parker doesn't need any llama's... he carried the ball 70+ yards all by himself for a 14-3 lead. that, my friends, is HUGE. 75 yards, they're calling it... longest ever in the super bowl. impressive

8:34 the motorola PEBL commercial is pretty sweet. i don't want or need a different phone... but i gotta say that one rivalz the RAZR for sheer phone appeal. motorola is pretty much the top dog in cell phones right now. they're going "fast willy parker" on their opponents... striking fast and with big results

8:39 jeremy stevens was the only seahawk who said anything all week that could even remotely resemble "smack," and so far he has zero catches for zero yards, and two huge drops that he should have caught. way to be, jeremy

8:42 all i gotta say is: no way adam vinatieri misses those two field goals that brown did. one, maybe... but not two

8:52 whoa... interception at the goal line after pittsburgh was threatening to go up 21-3. eerily similiar to the champ bailey pick vs. new england in denver, where you could feel the momentum shift. one of the blockers on the runback after the pick absolutley leveled rottenburger; there would be no repeats of his miracle/lucky tackle vs. indy. as jesse would say, "he got blasted!" so far we've seen the longest td run, and the longest interception return ever in superbowl history. second half is starting to make up for the abysmal first half. could this be a new england-carolina version of the game, with a slow first half turning into a scoring frenzy? time will tell

8:54 TD, seahawks! 21-3 becomes 14-10, just like that. huge. in other news, hasselbeck is a pretty swell quarterback, and stevens finally catches a pass

8:56 i'm going to incorporating the taco bell wave into my daily life. "good to go"

9:00 madden: "what do you think they were looking at that they made him take his pants off?" michaels: "i don't want to even hazard a guess at that." safe move, al

9:02 if you just saw the toyota commercial, and were thinking about driving your vehicle down onto the beach, let me give you a word of advice: don't do it

9:11 i'm more and more impressed with hasselbeck. he's no tom brady, but he's no rottenburger either... which is a good thing. no interceptions, and making one smart decision after another in the pocket. he'd have two more touchdowns if his receivers could (a) catch footballs, and (b) do it in bounds. not to mention getting robbed by the zebras on that one "offensive pass interference"... i've seen more violent handshakes than that supposed offense

9:18 what's with the neon-green stripe around the collar and sleeve on the seahawks' uniform? i just noticed it, and it's... weird

9:23 another bad call by the refs. they call a horrible "low block" on hasselbeck, when he was going for the tackle after an interception. ridiculous. yes, i know they do a really good job 95% of the time, but even so there's been some glaringly bad calls in this game

9:27 TD, steelers on a nifty flag-football inspired play. it is pretty cool to see trick plays actually fool pro players, too. 21-10 steelers... not looking too good for seattle right now

9:29 july 7... can't wait. if you have to ask, "what happens that day?", then i'm not sure i know you

9:33 fumble by hasselbeck? or... no. they fortunately got it right after review. maybe the refs are staging a 4th-quarter comeback!

9:47 the refs might be staging a comeback, but the seahawks sure don't look like they will be. still 21-10 pittsburgh with just under four minutes left. mvp pick for the game, barring a game-changing bettis fumble: hines ward. five catches for 123 yards and a touchdown so far. huge game for him

9:55 i must admit, despite never having seen the show before i'm very tempted to watch grey's anatomy after the game. i'm pretty sure "code black" means "we're all going to die because someone has a bomb in their gallbladder," but i'm not sure. i might have to appease my curiosity

9:56 last chance for seattle... they're driving, but they still need two scores in less than 2 minutes. not looking good. those two missed FG's by brown are HUGE now; if he makes one of the two, seattle only needs a TD and a 2-pt conversion to tie

10:01 guess who doesn't get out of bounds on a key play to stop the clock: stevens. he almost singlehandedly, with a little bit of a boost from the zebras, handed the steelers the game.

10:02 your 2006 Super Bowl Champions... the pittsburgh steelers. the elusive "one for the thumb" is finally theirs.

10:05 "the cowher chin" is in top-notch form: you can tell he's trying to fight back tears, and he does it by jutting his already protruding chin out even further. great guy, good coach... fantastic chin

10:08 my superbowl XL grades: game, B-. commercials, C+. eating almost an entire bag of cheez doodles... priceless.


10:14 superbowl mvp: hines ward. am i good, or am i good? now write this down: next year's superbowl matchup is going to be new england vs. carolina. you can take that all the way to the bank


10:17 jerome bettis is from detroit? no way....


10:56 my guess as to what a "code black" is was pretty dang close... only a couple of vital organs off the mark


i'm out.


-noonan-

posted by Patrick @ 4:54 PM